Learning & Education Division
10 Tips for Parents & Professionals to Promote Positive Relationships with those on the Autism Spectrum
If you want to communicate better, it is helpful to write the message. You can even use pictures to make your message easier to understand.
This can be as simple as explaining the proper way to relate to friends, or writing a script for a movie or play.
The “box” is the family unit surrounding the person with autism, a complete entity unto itself. Many times, people inside the “box” either go into denial or have spousal challenges.
Those outside of the “box,” such as teachers, in-laws, and others, who don’t “live” it, may not understand the many family dynamics. Keep an open mind and treat both sides of the “box” equally.
“In the world of autism, there is always a beautiful tomorrow.
With love, caring, and kindness, it is just around the corner.”
Global Representation
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Autism Myths
1
People with autism are incapable of loving.
Autistic children love their parents with such passion.
People with autism are angelic, loving human beings. The other day a mother of an autistic boy ordered some very cool sneakers for her son. She called him over and presented him with his new, sharp, teenage shoes. He put them on and began to jump all around the house with a big smile on his face. He slowed down, looked up at at his mom, and whispered, “I love you, Mom.”
2
Everyone with autism is “Rainman” or a savant.
What is your child’s unique abilities waiting to be nurtured?
Autism is a spectrum disorder, a continuum of traits, gifts and strengths. I know people on the spectrum who have a Ph.D. and I know children on the spectrum who have Downs Syndrome. I have friends with autism who are married, as well as those who are embroiled in a terrific struggle with daily life, so everyone with autism is not “Rainman”.
3
Autistic individuals have a limited life expectancy
Your child can thrive and lead a long, fulfilling life with autism.
People with autism do not die earlier than those who don’t have autism. Most lead long, rich and fulfilling lives.
4
No speech by a certain age means never speaking
Speech can emerge at different ages, and in different ways.
One girl did not speak until age six. After age six, she was asked, “What do you want to do tomorrow?” “I want to bath, I want to dress, and I want to go to Learning Center.” Thanks for exploding that myth, young lady.
5
All people with autism want to be cured.
Many autistic individuals embrace who they are and live fulfilling lives.
I know many people with autism who truly love and enjoy their lives. They don’t feel they have a disorder, and simply think and exist on a different plane. They resent the word “cure.” They are not diseased or broken, and thus do not need to be cured. I do believe in biomedical intervention and know recovered people, but a great portion of the population with autism is very happy the way they are.
6
People with autism do not develop friendships.
Many autistic individuals make meaningful friendships.
Untrue! One boy has many friends. He relates to people on so many levels. He has maintained all types of relationships.Albeit, they may not be typical friendships, but he truly enjoys his pals. My son and I are good friends, and he and his mother have developed an outstanding relationship.
7
People with autism will never make eye contact.
Direct eye contact may be hard, yet they observe in their own way.
Direct eye contact is very painful for autistic children when they are young. He would catch glimpses of us byusing his peripheral vision. One young man told me that he did not know what his mother’s
face looked like until he was ten! Eye contact can be overwhelming and facial expressions may be confusing, but eventually most of our
kids will look right at us and smile.
8
Autism is just a psychological disorder.
Autism is a developmental condition, not a psychological one.
Autism is not psychological. We now know that autism is a complicated developmental disorder. It may be genetically predisposed, and some believe triggered by environmental factors.
9
Bad parenting can change or cure autism.
Autism has nothing to do with parenting skills.
Do you remember the term, Refrigerator Mom? In the 1960s, psychologists decided that mothers of children with autism were so “cold” that they made their kids withdrawand develop strange behaviors with repetitive characteristics. Through the 1970s, because of this theory, mothers of children with autism suffered from blame, guilt and self-doubt, caused by the idea that their inadequate parenting caused the autism. Some children were actually placed with other “more responsive” families. They did not improve. Autism has nothing to do with parenting skills.
10
Autism is rare.
Autism is more common than many people think.
Most current estimates say that about one in a 54 children are diagnosed with autism. Autism is growing at alarming rates. Nearly everyone knows, or knows of a person with autism!
11
Nutrition can cure autism.
Healthy diets help, but they don’t cure autism.
Families have made tremendous strides utilizing the peripheral vision. One young man told me that he did not know what his mother’s
face looked like until he was ten! Eye contact can be overwhelming and facial expressions may be confusing, but eventually most of our
kids will look right at us and smile.
12
Social lessons lead to real relationships
Autistic people have friends
Making friends can be tough for anyone, yet more difficult for people with developmental disorders. Kids and adults with autism do
make friends, and we will discuss friendships for your child later in the book.
13
People with autism are dangerous.
Outbursts are expressions of unmet needs, not threats
Most outbursts are due to pain, lack of communication, frustration or sensory overload. This is not a dangerous population.
14
People with autism do not smile.
Their smiles say more than words ever could
The look on many children’s face when we take them to buy videos is
one big smile!
15
People with autism will outgrow it.
They may blend in, but autism is still there
Not true! Your child may appear “normalize”, but will always have
autism.
16
People with autism don’t want friends.
Not true! Ask your child.
Many autistic people do want friends, they just connect differently
17
People with autism cannot conceptualize.
Not true! Watch and ask your child.
People with autism can think abstractly and understand complex ideas, though they may process information differently. Their way of conceptualizing might be unique, but it doesn’t mean they lack this ability. Many autistic individuals excel in creative and logical thinking.
18
People with autism do not have passion, energy, or emotion.
Not true! Kids with autism can be emotional, passionate and energetic!
People with autism often have deep passion, strong emotions, and lots of energy—sometimes focused on their special interests. Their feelings might be expressed differently, but they are just as real and intense.