Learning & Education Division
10 Tips for Parents & Professionals to Promote Positive Relationships with those on the Autism Spectrum
If you want to communicate better, it is helpful to write the message. You can even use pictures to make your message easier to understand.
This can be as simple as explaining the proper way to relate to friends, or writing a script for a movie or play.
The “box” is the family unit surrounding the person with autism, a complete entity unto itself. Many times, people inside the “box” either go into denial or have spousal challenges.
Those outside of the “box,” such as teachers, in-laws, and others, who don’t “live” it, may not understand the many family dynamics. Keep an open mind and treat both sides of the “box” equally.
“In the world of autism, there is always a beautiful tomorrow.
With love, caring, and kindness, it is just around the corner.”
Autism Myths
1
People with autism are incapable of loving.
Autistic children love their parents with such passion.
People with autism are angelic, loving human beings. The other day a mother of an autistic boy ordered some very cool sneakers for her son. She called him over and presented him with his new, sharp, teenage shoes. He put them on and began to jump all around the house with a big smile on his face. He slowed down, looked up at at his mom, and whispered, “I love you, Mom.”
2
Everyone with autism is “Rainman” or a savant.
What is your child’s skill? Autism is a spectrum disorder,
a continuum of traits, gifts and strengths. I know people on the spectrum who have a Ph.D. and I know children on the spectrum who have Downs Syndrome. I have friends with autism who are married, as well as those who are embroiled in a terrific struggle with daily life, so everyone with autism is not “Rainman”.
3
Autism affects life span
People with autism do not die earlier than those who don’t have autism. Most lead long, rich and fulfilling lives.
4
If your child with autism does not speak by a certain age, he will never speak.
One girl did not speak until age six. After age six, she was asked,
“What do you want to do tomorrow?” “I want to bath, I want to dress, and I want to go to Learning Center.” Thanks for exploding that myth, young lady.
5
All people with autism want to be cured.
I know many people with autism who truly love and enjoy their lives. They don’t feel they have a disorder,
and simply think and exist on a different plane. They resent the word “cure.” They are not diseased or broken, and thus do not need to be cured. I do believe in biomedical intervention and know recovered people, but a great portion of the population with autism is very happy the way they are.
6
People with autism do not develop friendships.
Untrue! One boy has many friends. He relates to people on so many levels. He has maintained all types of relationships.
Albeit, they may not be typical friendships, but he truly enjoys his pals. My son and I are good friends, and he and his mother have developed an outstanding relationship.
7
People with autism will never make eye contact.
Direct eye contact is very painful for autistic children when they are young. He would catch glimpses of us by
using his peripheral vision. One young man told me that he did not know what his mother’s
face looked like until he was ten! Eye contact can be overwhelming and facial expressions may be confusing, but eventually most of our
kids will look right at us and smile.
8
Autism is a psychological disorder, although we treat it behaviourally.
Autism is not psychological. We now know that autism is a complicated
developmental disorder. It may be genetically predisposed, and some believe triggered by environmental factors.
9
Bad parenting causes autism.
Do you remember the term, Refrigerator Mom? In the 1960s, psychologists decided that mothers of children with autism were so “cold” that they made their kids withdraw
and develop strange behaviors with repetitive characteristics. Through the 1970s, because of this theory, mothers of children with autism suffered from blame, guilt and self-doubt, caused by the idea that their inadequate parenting caused the autism. Some children were actually placed with other “more responsive” families. They did not improve. Autism has nothing to do with parenting skills.
10
Autism is rare.
Most current estimates say that about one in a 54 children are diagnosed with autism. Autism
is growing at alarming rates. Nearly everyone knows, or knows of a person with autism!
11
Nutrition, by itself, can cure autism.
Families have made tremendous strides utilizing the
using his peripheral vision. One young man told me that he did not know what his mother’s
face looked like until he was ten! Eye contact can be overwhelming and facial expressions may be confusing, but eventually most of our
kids will look right at us and smile.
12
Teaching social skills will develop social relationships.
Making friends can be tough for anyone, yet more difficult
for people with developmental disorders. Kids and adults with autism do make friends, and we will discuss friendships for your child later in the book.
13
People with autism are dangerous.
Most outbursts are due to pain, lack of communication, frustration or sensory overload. This is not a dangerous population.
14
People with autism do not smile.
The look on many children’s face when we take them to buy videos is one big smile!
15
People with autism will outgrow it.
Not true! Your child may appear “normalize”, but will always have autism.
16
People with autism don’t want friends.
Not true! Ask your child.
17
People with autism cannot conceptualize.
Not true! Again, watch and ask your child.
18
People with autism do not have passion, energy, or emotion.
Not true! Kids with autism can be emotional, passionate and energetic!